Mr Noisy

My evening at the theatre with Daniel Kitson was enjoyable... but my journey to the NT was anything but. Living in London has much to commend it, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's when some mouthy individual on a train or a bus decides to verbally commandeer the whole space and bore everyone else to tears.

On the 76 bus from Hackney to the South Bank on Friday night, it was the turn of a guy in his mid-40s whose vocal range - and degree of nuisance - could have easily got him into the Guinness Book of Records. He was, quite possibly, one of the most bloody irritating people I've ever encountered on the capital's public transport. Not able to move from my seat, I listened to his annoying patois as he shrieked, whispered and trilled to his friend for 35 minutes. One minute, his voice dipping low, the next, screaming like a school girl on the verge of orgasm - and at no point, did I ever get the impression that he was aware of his surroundings or the noise that he was making. Should I ever find myself on public transport with him again, I shall hurl myself out of the window.